Spiritual Life

What Do We Need To Be Freed from To Discern Well?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

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One of our biggest obstacles in discerning God’s will in our life is ourselves. Because of original sin—the sin of Adam and Eve which has marked every human being—we are prone to sin. In our discernments, we want to “sort through” our desires, distinguishing between disordered desires which can lead to sin and genuine desires that well up from deep within and reflect our true identity.

Sometimes when we find ourselves in difficult situations, we’ll discover that our main difficulty is really ourselves. We might think that if we just didn’t have to deal with this situation, or this person, or this challenge, we’d be fine. And then we end up in a new situation and we find that it’s not the situation that was the problem, it’s ourselves and how we deal with the situation.

* * *

I remember one time as a younger sister when I found myself in what I thought was a really difficult situation. Another sister and I really clashed, and it made community life really challenging for me. At the end of the year, I was transferred to a new community. At first I was thrilled, thinking everything was great. Then I started running into the exact same difficulties that I had run into before!

Gradually, I realized that although the circumstances of life would never be perfect, what made them unmanageable was me. My particular faults—in this case my high expectations, my desires for perfection, and my impatience with others—were really at the root of my problem in getting along with the other sisters. It was a hard lesson to learn, but a wonderful opportunity to get to know myself better. I realized that sometimes—perhaps more often than I’d like to admit—I am my own worst enemy!

* * *

In discernment, we spend a lot of time seeking greater freedom. (This is why sometimes we need to take a longer time to discern.) In our discernments, we seek freedom:

  • from our ego
  • from our tendency to seek ourselves or to put ourselves ahead of God
  • from our disordered desires
  • from the world’s materialistic and secular perspective
  • from others’ expectations

When Saint John the Baptist was pointing to Christ as the Messiah, he made a wonderful statement that fits this aspect of discernment: “He [Christ] must increase, but I must decrease” (Jn. 3:30). Discernment is about giving Christ and his will for us more and more space in our life, so that our true identity as disciples of Christ can clearly emerge.

Discernment Tip: Fix Our Gaze on Christ

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment
Fixing our minds and hearts on Christ, our Way to happiness

Fixing our minds and hearts on Christ, our Way to happiness

How can we avoid sin and grow in the spiritual life? Blessed James Alberione, Founder of the Pauline Family, offers helpful and practical strategies. He encourages us to avoid sin especially by replacing sinful attitudes and behaviors with the opposite virtue. His “take” on spiritual growth includes both dealing with the negative—vigilance in avoiding sin, and the positive—focusing on the virtue we most need to grow in.

Alberione’s integrated way to grow in the spiritual life helps us to acknowledge our sinfulness and do what we can to avoid sin in the future, while not allowing us to stay focused on the sin. Ironically, when we concentrate too hard on avoiding a particular sin, we can actually make it harder because it keeps our attention focused on ourselves and on our weakness. Blessed James encourages us to focus our gaze on Christ and how Christ lived the virtue that we need to acquire. This way, we keep our gaze on Christ, even when we are confronting our own sinfulness:

Our resolutions and real spiritual work should have a negative side and a positive side.  For example: fight against pride to replace it with humility; fight against concupiscence of the flesh to replace it with mortification and chastity; fight against avarice and the spirit of ease to replace it with charity and poverty.  It is a matter of taking off the old Adam in order to put on the new man, Jesus Christ (cf. Eph. 4:24)

So if we’re struggling with a particular sin that we give in to often, Blessed James offers us this practical strategy: begin to focus on the positive virtue we most need to grow in.

1) Whatever sin we are struggling the most against, we look for the opposite virtue.

2) We read through one of the Gospels and note down passages that show how Christ talked about and lived that particular virtue.

3) Over the next few weeks and months, we pray daily with one of those Gospel passages:

  • We read through each passage, reflecting on how Jesus lived the virtue we want to grow in: how did Jesus speak and act? How does this Gospel passage challenge my thinking? Did anything surprise us about Jesus’ words or actions?
  • In light of Jesus’ words and example, we examine our conscience daily, especially how we have lived this virtue in the past day: in our thoughts and attitudes, in our choices and actions, and in our desires. We look at both our successes and failures, thanking God for the graces and successes, asking God’s forgiveness for the ways we did not live this virtue.
  • We conclude by praying for the grace to grow in this virtue, and in love. What might we need to change so that we can live this virtue as Jesus did? Remembering Christ’s love for us, we stir up our desire and fervor to live more closely united to Christ by growing in this virtue.

4) We can repeat this over time with each of the Gospels, and with the Letters of the New Testament.

We don’t have to wait to become sin-free to discern—or none of us ever would make a discernment!—but we want to be growing into an always fuller life in Christ, so that we can not only listen to God’s invitations, but freely and generously respond to God’s call. Keeping our gaze fixed on Christ is something we want to do at every stage of our discernment!

The biggest obstacle to discernment

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

sad-505857_1280The overarching, biggest obstacle to discerning God’s will in our lives is sin, because sin is directly opposed to doing God’s will. Sin is a rejection of God and seeks to put self in the place of God, to seek one’s own will above God’s.

Striving to live a good moral life is a prerequisite for making a good discernment. When we are trapped in a cycle of serious sin, God’s will for us is clearly to convert and enter (or return to) the state of grace, which is a sharing in God’s own life. Even venial sins, which do not disconnect us from communion with God, but weaken our relationship with God, compromise our ability to hear and respond generously to God’s will.

Sinfulness affects our discernment because sin is slavery, setting limits to genuine freedom. Sinfulness deafens us to God’s invitations, blocks our openness to God’s voice, and prevents us from responding wholeheartedly to God’s call. Sometimes, our motivations in discerning could be mixed between good intentions and sinful ones. For example, when we discern whether or not to do something, we might choose to do a good thing out of selfishness or vanity, rather than a desire to serve God. We may still end up doing God’s will–because God can use even our weaknesses to bring about good–but not because we discerned well!

The best preparation for discernment is to live fully our Catholic Faith, to live in continual conversion so that gradually we are freed from the claws of sin. Helps to living a good moral life include:

  • Prayer
  • Reading and praying with the Word of God
  • Receiving the sacraments, most especially Reconciliation (or Penance) and the Holy Eucharist
  • The examination of conscience
  • Acts of charity for others (e.g. the works of mercy)

None of us are exempt from the necessity of examining our lives and our moral choices, repenting of and confessing our sins, doing penance, and praying for the grace to live in conversion and avoid sin in the future. Perhaps you noticed that many of the very means that we use to grow in holiness are the same means that we are encouraged to use in discerning. That’s because discernment is part of the journey to holiness, a specific way of growing spiritually. The more we grow in our life in Christ, the freer we become interiorly, and the more receptive we are to God’s graced invitations.

Is detachment a virtue?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

06W Sr Ann

Years ago, “good young Catholics” were often discouraged from expressing what they liked and what they didn’t like. “This is so you can grow in detachment,” the young person was told. 

Detachment was considered hugely important because it helps someone put aside their own will, likings, preferences, abilities, etc., so that they can wholeheartedly embrace God’s will. But for some people, never expressing one’s preferences seemed to dull the world and crush healthy individual autonomy.

Nowadays, many spiritual directors talk about how to live in a spirit of detachment differently. The gifts of each individual—sometimes expressed in personal preferences—are greatly respected in the spiritual life. Personal preferences are not only expressed but encouraged (although always in moderation). However, detachment is still important to nurture because it helps us embrace God’s will.

What do we seek to detach ourselves from? Anything that distracts us from God, or that could prevent me from embracing God’s will. It could be material objects (like a favorite blanket), certain food or habit of eating, our way of doing something, a talent, or habits. These things or preferences can be good in themselves, but when we grow too attached to them or give them too much importance, they can start to interfere with our freedom. Sometimes we don’t even recognize when we’ve become attached to something, so giving up something that we prefer can be good practice to keep us attentive to the movements of our hearts.

* * *

In my own life, I find that giving up a personal preference—especially for the sake of another person—is a very helpful spiritual practice that helps me remember what is truly important. I’ve also found that detachment is more fruitful when it’s a choice made intentionally by the individual each time, rather than a rule imposed on everyone. In my community, detachment is often practiced by accepting what we receive and by avoiding complaining, trusting that our situation is an expression of God’s will for us.

In my own spiritual journey, when I’ve neglected to cultivate detachment, I’ve noticed that my priorities tend to get a bit muddled, and I can start to cling to things that aren’t even very important to me. I become more taken up by daily concerns, rather than about living my relationship with God and bringing about God’s Kingdom.

* * *

Is detachment truly a Christian virtue? It’s not specifically mentioned in any of the beatitudes, it’s not a theological or cardinal virtue, nor is it listed as a gift or fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Of course, that is a trick question. “Detachment” is specifically alluded to in several of the lists of virtues mentioned above. First of all, the beatitudes—especially poverty of spirit—require detachment from the things of this world. Temperance, as one of the four cardinal virtues, warns against our becoming too attached to or abusing this world’s goods by using them immoderately or to the point of harm. Self-control, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, also presupposes a certain detachment from whatever excesses we might be tempted to.

* * *

For me, the easiest way to understand detachment is in light of the foundational call that we have all received in our Baptism to die to self and to rise with the Lord. Dying to ourselves is in truth detaching ourselves from our own thoughts, opinions, prejudices, ways of doing things, and from seeing or using created goods in a way that doesn’t bring about God’s glory. Dying to ourselves means dying to anything that could prevent us from fully living in Christ.

Detachment doesn’t mean totally disconnecting ourselves from all material goods or all the things of the world. (Which is mostly impossible anyway.) We can and should marvel at the wonder, joy, and beauty of God’s creation. But detachment means that we do this by giving everything its rightful place—not making something more important than someone, not making any person more important than God, and not allowing any of our desires to become more important to us than the desire to live God’s will.

Detachment frees and empties us from sinful and unhealthy attachments, so that our minds, hearts, and wills are free to cling to God, to discover God’s will, and to wholeheartedly embrace it.

Discernment Tip: Give Everything Its Proper Place

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 1 Comment

The best discernments are those in which the person discerning makes a journey towards interior freedom. In other words, they are no longer constrained by unhealthy attachments to nonessentials—things like others’ opinions, our comfort, or anything other than God’s loving will.

Everything has its place in creation, and God has given us many gifts in order to live fully. When we give a created thing more importance than it deserves, we call that an unhealthy attachment. Unhealthy attachments prevent us from having the freedom to recognize and respond to God’s will.

Here’s a petty (but realistic) personal example: I like sitting in the same place in chapel every day. The prayerbooks that I keep at that place, and the familiar view helps me to enter into prayer. But our chapel is free for everyone to use, and sometimes another person will take the place I usually take. When I find someone sitting there, I pay attention. If I’m mildly irritated because I’m inconvenienced, that’s normal. If however, I become upset because someone took “my place,” then I’ve got a problem. I’ve become attached to a particular spot of a wooden pew. I’ve made it more important than it really is.

As human beings, it’s really easy for us to become too attached to things that really aren’t very important. If you have a favorite book, movie, dessert, or sport, you know this temptation—even if you haven’t given in to it! It’s also easy for us to become unhealthily attached to other people—for example, we can rely too much on what someone else thinks of us. If we enjoy a particular friendship but find ourselves jealous when that friend spends time with someone else, we may have an attachment to our friend that is unhealthy.

The attachments that are hardest for me to recognize, though, are the interior ones—for example, to my own way, opinions, or desires.  Certain work by its very nature requires flexibility. If someone cannot be flexible about the way that they work, becoming angry whenever they collaborate with someone else, this is a sign that they could be too attached to their way of doing things. It’s fine to have a preference for a way of doing something, but when we overreact or refuse to try something a new or different way, then it’s possible that we’ve become too attached to our own way. This attachment can prevent us from receiving God’s inspiration.

A disordered attachment to anything or anyone can become an obstacle to freedom because it puts something else in the place of God’s will. Healthy detachment can help us to regain our freedom.

To Pray With

We can begin by listening to Jesus’ words in the Gospel, where Jesus reminds us that where our treasure is, our heart will also be. Pray with Matthew 6: 19-21. What do we treasure in our life? Do we truly treasure our relationship with God above everything else?

NOTE: For the rest of this week, I’m taking a break from blogging to cover Pope Francis’ visit to the U.S., and I’d like to encourage you to take a break, too. Let’s truly listen and take in the words of Pope Francis to us! Especially if you are discerning your vocation or a decision about ministry, God may inspire you through the Pope’s words and presence. I’ll return to blogging about discernment after the Pope’s visit, on September 30th.

Silence: Irreplaceable for Discerning

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 2 Comments

“Silence

allows a person to speak with God,

to hear God, and to receive from God;

in holy silence the soul withdraws into itself,

comes to know itself better,

and achieves greater union with God.

The person will be fascinated by God,

enter into intimate conversation with God,

and pray with Saint Augustine:

“That I may know myself, that I may know thee.” 

                                                            – Bl. James Alberione

When is the last time that you were surrounded by silence?

When I first visited the convent, I was told about “Grand Silence,” which was the sisters’ daily practice of not talking (except for an absolute emergency) from night prayers until breakfast the next morning. As a postulant (sister-in-training), I would be required to keep the Grand Silence too. The first night I was a bit uneasy–I worried that I’d forget and start talking to someone, and I wasn’t sure what the penalty would be! I also wondered how dire “an absolute emergency” would have to be to justify speaking a few words.

Grand Silence is a monastic tradition which recognizes how valuable silence is for growing in a spirit of recollection and prayer, for knowing oneself, for entering into a deeper communion with God.

Because we Daughters of Saint Paul are an active apostolic community, we don’t keep “Grand Silence” as strictly as a contemplative monastery, but we do keep a spirit of silence in the convent at night and in the early morning, a silence that is rarely broken. I find it invaluable for allowing me to turn my focus once again inward, to my relationship with God, and to mull over how I spent the day. Silence is one of the things I miss the most when I’m traveling and not staying at a convent.

The “noisiness” of our lives can distract us from the deeper purpose of our lives: to do God’s will. Today, many of us live with almost constant noise of some kind or other. Whether it’s our smartphone’s frequent ping calling our attention, the roar of traffic, the mechanical whir of the refrigerator, favorite music or talk radio coming through our tiny earbuds, or chatting with friends or family, silence has become a rare, precious commodity.

I treasure the moments that I take a walk in a park where I can really focus on the birdsongs and the whisper of the wind in the trees, and just take in the silence. Making time for silence in our lives is vital to deepening our relationship with God. Silence is not just passive: I often find that God speaks to me in silence, without words.

In his short message for World Communication Day in 2012, Pope Benedict XVI wrote the best “call to silence” I have ever read. I encourage you to read the whole message—it’s just a little over two pages long—and it will say better than I ever could why making silence part of your daily or weekly routine is irreplaceable in your life as a human being, as a believer, as a discerner.

For us who are discerning God’s will and seeking to listen to God’s call in our daily life, making time for silence is key. Silence helps us:

  • come to know ourselves
  • recognize what in our lives is important
  • hear God and enter into fuller communion with God
  • enter more deeply into our relationships with others
  • listen compassionately to others
  • open ourselves to the Truth
  • contemplate God’s invitations and presence in the world
  • become aware of what we really want to communicate….

If you are able to take some silent time, add to this list afterwards. How does silence help you to become more yourself, and closer to others and to God? You may not notice much of a difference at first, but if you develop a “silence habit,” you may find yourself more self-aware, focused, happier, and more “in tune with” God through your day.

Try This

Make time for real silence in your life this week. Go for a long walk in the country, visit a quiet church, go into your room and close the door and do something quiet, or find another way to spend time in silence.

Media as Discernment Opportunity!

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

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Another obstacle to deeper listening that is particular to our times is the constant blitz of media messages that is almost impossible to avoid. Cell phones that are always on mean that anyone with our number (such as our boss) always has a way to reach us; having a smart phone or computer means that we can check our email not just twice but twenty or thirty times a day; engaging with social media like twitter or instagram means that constant interruptions in our day, our lives, and even our conversations, has become the norm; advertisements, which serve not our needs but the greed of unbridled capitalism, continue to deceive, invade, and intrude into our every day life. Media are widely misused in ways that undercut the dignity of its viewers and listeners, presenting people as commodities to be used, rather than as sacred persons created in the image of God. Many media messages today promote revenge, violence, hatred, lust, materialism, prejudice, error, illusions about happiness, and sensationalism. The constant availability of entertainment online, and the growth of tablets, wi-fi, and internet access, means we can constantly gratify our desire to be entertained because we are not limited to reading the books on our bookshelf. Even music on our cell phones can limit our connection to self by filling our walking silence or daily drives with music. Digital media “fill the cracks” or spaces in our lives that used to be free for reflection, silence, or just being present to one’s self.

As a Daughter of Saint Paul who is blogging a book about discernment and occasionally tweets about it, I don’t just enjoy digital technology and the possibilities that the internet offer for connection. I value the media in general and digital media in particular for the ways they help us to connect with one another, build up the solidarity of the human community, and for their potential for evangelization. The media are awesome avenues where God’s grace can reach people in ways both new and old! But for me personally, the key to how I choose to use the media is being mindful about it—in a way that assists my prayer life,  discernment, and relationships, rather than becoming obstacles to them.

Especially as an introvert, I easily become scattered or distracted if I have constant “noise” in my life. I couldn’t possibly make the time to use every form of media available to me. Every form of media, and each social network I join, is for a specific purpose that I have prayed about. In using media, I seek to practice the principles of discernment. The use of media is an integrated part of my day and often part of my relationships. I’m also not afraid to disconnect: I turn off my cell phone when I enter the chapel for adoration or Mass, and keep it off during my retreats, whether they’re monthly one-day retreats or annual eight-day retreats.

Here are a few questions that I ask myself about daily priorities that are helpful in thinking about my use of media from within the context of daily life:

  • Am I always “online” or “connected” all day long, every day? Every evening? Seven days a week? How often do I give myself breaks from the frequent interruption or stimulation provided by the smartphone?
  • How much silence do I need or want every day or every week to be able to pray, to remain aware of my own thoughts and feelings, to be “at my best”? (This answer varies widely according to individuals.)
    • Do I feel my life is in balance, that I give the most attention to the most important people and parts of my life?
    • Where (and with whom) do I want to spend more time?
    • Where (or with whom) do I want to spend less time?
  • How do I choose to spend my time: with God, with family and loved ones, with work, with myself (including silent time taken to nurture myself and to relax).
  • How do I use various media at home, at work, in my relationships and throughout my day? What purpose does each form of media serve in my life? What purpose do I want each form to serve?
  • Smart phone
    • Calls
    • Texts
    • Messages
    • Retrieving information
    • Apps
    • Podcasts
  • Social media (go through each platform I use, whether on my computer and/or smartphone)
  • Music
  • TV/internet streaming/movies
  • Video games
  • Any other computer use: surfing, chat, research, etc.
  • How can I see using each form of media to help me grow in my relationship with God, with myself, and with others? Do I need to make changes, set limits, or add media to my life in order to live God’s invitations? (e.g. How often do I check my Twitter feed? Two of my favorite podcasts help me to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, or reflect on or pray with Sunday’s Scripture readings. Two of my  most-used apps is the Catholic News Agency and the Pope App, which keep me informed about religious issues, and also give me endless prayer intentions. Or, in my love for film, do I balance what I watch: occasionally a popcorn flick, often an independent film that is spiritually enriching or helps me understand certain issues. Some people give up Facebook or movies for Lent. Others don’t check their email over the weekend or in the evenings.)

How do you use media to assist you in your discernment journey? I’d love to hear your thoughts about how using the media and technology in your daily life affects your spiritual life, and how your relationship with God affects your use of media.

Distraction or Call To Discern?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 2 Comments

SONY DSCA third obstacle to interior listening is allowing external distractions to disturb our interior serenity so that we cannot truly listen. Part of the listening we need to do is paying attention to how God is inviting us through the needs of others, through our loved ones’ struggles, through the needs of the world. Gazing on others with compassion, praying for them, taking action to alleviate others’ suffering or to offer assistance, are all part of how we are called to respond lovingly to others.

But having done all we can, it’s important that we then try to let go of those situations and entrust them to God. When we don’t, when we give others’ situations, needs, problems, or conflicts undue importance so that they take over our thoughts and attention, they can distract us from God’s call. We risk actually becoming deaf to the other ways that God invites us. Distracted by others’ needs which we can’t do anything about, we stop paying attention to God’s call to us. We might even give in to worrying about things that we can’t do anything about.

When we worry,  we lose our serenity or forget that God is taking care of the world, and then we can become too distracted, agitated, or distressed to live our own deeper calling.

Creating our own distractions

If we or others have a problem that is too painful or anxiety-provoking for us to confront directly, we sometimes create drama or conflict around the problem. This focuses our attention on the drama–a less painful problem–and distracts us from our deeper pain, and often, from the best thing that we can do to grow. When we do this, we prevent ourselves from addressing the real conflict, and sometimes from hearing God’s call to us within the situation. We have created our own distraction!

I have a personal example of this: my tendency to procrastinate when I am going to give a talk or presentation to a large group. I often become anxious about speaking to a group, so sometimes rather than simply being straightforward about preparing and dealing with my anxiety as it comes up, I will put off working on the presentation until the last minute. (I’m “putting off” my anxiety, along with the work.) When the time to give the presentation comes close, I become all stressed out and rushed because I didn’t give myself the time to prepare that I usually would. This stress—as difficult as it is—distracts me from the larger, underlying anxiety for a while. In the end, though, I have to struggle with both anxieties, and my procrastination makes the experience of giving a talk much more difficult for me. But even though I can see this so clearly, I still sometimes procrastinate when I need to prepare a talk.

When our loved ones create drama around a small problem to distract from a bigger problem they don’t want or cannot resolve, we can easily get drawn in by the drama, and waste our energies. We are called to love and support our loved ones, but only in rare cases are we able to “fix” one of their problems. If we try to resolve what only another person can resolve, we stop expressing our love wisely and we trample on the other’s responsibility and dignity. We start worrying about things we can do nothing about. We might become controlling, rather than helpful. We can be so taken up with them that we forget about our other responsibilities. Worry isn’t truly helpful to anyone, and can quickly become self-destructive.

Helpful attitudes to distinguish distractions from a call to discern

When we truly love others, it can be hard to know when to reach out to help and when it is more helpful to let them sort things out for themselves. Some attitudes that can help us to love while remaining true to God’s call are:

  • intentionally making choices out of love that seeks the best for those I love and for myself
  • seeking wisdom to respond in the way that is most helpful at this particular time
  • entrusting others and their struggles to God’s love
  • when we have done all we could, and we pray and entrust the person into God’s hands, we let go of our thoughts and worries about them, and return our attention to our life and our call

Share Your Insights!

There are many other external things that can disturb our serenity and make it hard for us to quietly listen to God in our daily lives. What are the things that make it hard for you to quiet down, that you see as obstacles to the deeper listening that can help you to grow in a spirit of discernment? If you have a topic you’d like me to talk about in the blog, or something you would like to share, please do so in the comments or in an email! I’d really love to hear from you, and I’m sure other people reading this blog would find it helpful, too.

How To Discern If We Are Uncomfortable with Silence

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

métis 56A second obstacle to interior listening is a restlessness or discomfort with silence or deeper reflection.

If someone isn’t used to a lot of silence or more contemplative forms of prayer, some restlessness or discomort with silence is not truly an obstacle at all, but simply something to become used to. Starting out small—five or ten minutes of quiet prayer—is manageable for many people on a daily basis. (If five minutes seems unbearable, try starting with just two minutes—there are some good two-minute meditation books available. God is not limited by time. He can do in one second what would take us a century…or would simply be impossible for us to do on our own.)

Often, inner restlessness or an inability to sit still can arise because we are currently suffering a profound loss or grief; the pain that we feel surfaces every time we start to quiet down, so we shy away from silence. This is a time to be gentle with ourselves. It’s good if we can still take short times of silence or quiet prayer, acknowledge the pain long enough to be aware of it and to offer it to the Lord, but then move on to another form of prayer or some other activity that soothes us. For example, instead of sitting still in Eucharistic adoration, take a prayer walk and pray the Rosary, or repeat a phrase from Scripture that is meaningful while we walk. When we are too restless to sit still, we can find other ways to pray and listen to God, such as journaling, art-journaling, listening to music or a song that reminds us of God’s love for us, etc. Eventually, our inner restlessness will pass and we can return to quiet prayer.

If we struggle regularly with an inner restlessness that makes silence or quiet prayer times uncomfortable, this could mean we are simply uncomfortable with the thoughts and feelings that arise when we are quiet. If quiet prayer and reflection haven’t been part of our lives, the cacophony of thoughts and feelings can truly become overwhelming. If this is the case, beginning slow—with even two minutes of reflection—is helpful. A structured method for praying—such as lectio divina, centering prayer, or Eucharistic adoration—can also be useful because it gives us a place to focus in the quiet. (Some resources are listed below.) If thoughts or feelings arise that are deeply troublesome, speaking to a counselor or trusted mentor about them can help us to sort through them.

Quiet, reflective prayer times are important for the deep listening that discernment requires, but God works with us individually, where we are, responding our specific needs and desires right now. Total silence can be helpful but is not always necessary (or even possible). Freedom from distractions so that we can listen deeply to the Lord is what we are looking for. Sometimes soothing music, or a prayerful practice—such as journaling or a form of art—can be more helpful than silence in leading us into a spirit of prayer.

Please Reflect & Share:

  • Where do you stand with silence today?
  •  What has helped you enter the silence of prayer when you have struggled with it?

Your sharing here (or anonymously by emailing me, and I will post your response) may be enormously helpful to another discerner. 

Too Busy To Discern?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

06R pixabay

1. Busyness and/or overwork is sometimes a simple reality. American culture emphasizes doing over being. Between home life, demands at work, needs of extended family, and everything else, we can become too busy practically all the time, doing things that we consider important.

The needs and sufferings of our brothers and sisters in the world are so great that it’s easy to see that every baptized person is called to “busy” themselves about the Lord’s work. Whether it’s praying and offering for others, reaching out with small gestures of love at home, responding to a neighbor’s crisis, or engaging in full-time apostolate, living the corporal and spiritual works of mercy keep us all busy! For those of us involved in full-time apostolate, juggling family and work, or part of the “sandwich generation”—raising our kids and taking care of elderly parents or relatives—there is simply not enough time in the day to do all that we want to do, to express our love in all the ways that we want to. And there are certainly seasons of our lives when the Lord invites us to that special self-offering of giving at “full stretch”—whether to our children and family at home, to fulfill our responsibilities at work, to reach out to those in need, or in fulfilling the Church’s mission.

But we cannot run at full stretch all the time. We also need time to replenish ourselves so that we can continue to give of ourselves fully and freely. If we find ourselves often grumpy, stressed, or exhausted; if our life starts to feel unbearable; if we have crafted or allowed our lifestyle to develop in such a way that we don’t have time for daily prayer and a weekly chunk of time to nurture ourselves; if we find ourselves taking refuge in work or busyness, then we need to re-examine our lives, giving some time to these questions:

  • What is most important to us?
  • What do we want to give priority to in our lives?
  • Are we giving priority to what is merely superficially urgent (e.g., work has many deadlines), or to the truly crucial (e.g., our spiritual state, the direction of our lives, our important relationships?)
  • Are we deceiving ourselves with the illusion that being super-busy or overworked gives us more importance, control, or power?

Allowing ourselves to be deceived by the illusion of importance, power, and control is not spiritually healthy. It can distract us from what is truly important in our lives, and deceive us about our true, deepest call. The world is in God’s hands and will not fall apart if we take a break, make time for a half hour of daily prayer, or schedule in the necessary time to take care of ourselves. Always being “too busy,” or always saying “yes” to additional responsibilities can become a way of avoiding ourselves. This can be a deception of the ego or of the devil; either way, I am sure that the devil uses this self-deception to prevent us from listening to God and to prevent our growth in humility.

When we choose or allow ourselves to become frantically busy all the time, we can start to think we are more important than we are. Our priorities become mixed up. There is a difference between feeling needed and feeling indispensable. The first may be true much of the time; the second is rarely true, and if it is, a back up plan is needed! Being overly busy isn’t just difficult for us; it also affects the quality of our relationships and can prevent us from taking time with the loved ones who really need us. When we fall into a cycle of being over-busy all the time, we may even be using being busy as an escape from prayer, spending quiet time, or difficult aspects of our relationships.

Above all—for the purposes of our discernment—being super-busy, stressed, or overworked prevents us from taking time to become quiet enough to deeply listen to God.