Spiritual Life

Learning from The Sisterhood: Discernment in Episode 2

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 2 Comments
discernit quote

Prayer To Discern Well from new Discern It! App

As I mentioned in my previous post, and have shared in many conversations, Lifetime’s show The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns,  while suffering all the limitations of a reality TV show, can do a great deal of good by offering to viewers a fascinating portrayal of religious life, and a sense of the challenges and obstacles a young woman faces in discerning whether she is called to become a sister.

Episode 1 introduced us to each young woman and to the Carmelites of the Aged and Infirm, where the young women are doing the first two weeks of their live-in. Episode 2 brings us right into the “nuts and bolts” of the young women’s discernments.

For this episode, I’d like to look at some of the typical discernment moments that arose on the show, seeing what we can learn from them (and without making any judgments on the people  involved). Some key moments in discernment that I noted while I watched:

  • Eseni’s desire for growth and peace, and Sr. Maria Theresa’s response that it is important for her to seek healing. I really loved Sr. Maria Theresa’s comment that all of us are broken, and all of us need healing. (By the way, this is a wonderful insight for Advent: we are all in need of a Savior!)When we feel deep turmoil and restlessness, it’s a good time to reflect, but isn’t necessarily the best time to make a big change in our lives, because we might be making a change simply to find relief from our inner pain, rather than truly following God’s invitation. Saint Ignatius of Loyola has some great guidelines about this. If we are discerning about something major in our lives and we discover that we are deeply troubled about something else, we may want to slow down our discernment, or discern the cause of our turmoil and take steps towards healing and peace, rather than make a big decision about our original discernment. In general, when we are discerning something major in our life like our vocation, we want to discern from a place of peace.
  • Christie’s desire for greater intimacy with Christ, while instead she was feeling desolation. I love how honestly she puts it: “I showed up and he [Jesus] didn’t!” A wise spiritual director might encourage someone in a situation like Christie to not be afraid and to “stay the course” and not make any hasty decisions—either about going home or entering religious life. In the midst of the kind of anxiety or desolation that Christie seemed to be experiencing, we want to pay attention. The spiritual life is full of experiences of consolation and desolation, so when we are in the throes of desolation, it’s good to take it slow and reflect on what’s happening. A spiritual director who has experience in Ignatian discernment, especially “discernment of spirits,” can be really helpful, because St. Ignatius offers a lot of wisdom when he describes the different causes of spiritual consolation and desolation, and how we can discern even from within them.
  • The courage that several young women showed during times of anxiety or difficulty in participating in the sisters’ mission is inspiring and encouraging for all of us who seek to discern. Discernment takes great courage and freedom because we are letting go of our illusions of control and our ego, trusting in the Lord instead, and surrendering to his guiding love.
  • At several points Claire struggles with her relationship with the other discerners. Several comments that were made highlighted for me an important principle in matters of the spiritual life—including discernment. It’s not helpful to compare ourselves with others, especially if we’re trying to determine where we are on our journey or our next step. God works with each of us individually, and each of us has unique experiences and a unique relationship with God. While we can learn from each other, note similarities or differences in our journeys, we don’t want to fall into the trap of making comparisons or judgements.

And this is important, not just for the young women and sisters in the show, but for those of us watching as well. Even in a show with such good intentions as The Sisterhood, the temptation seems to be to compare these young women to each other, and to judge their responses to the challenges they face (and then to compare with ourselves). This is a very human tendency, but comparing these young women to each other and making judgments about their journeys is really unhealthy spiritually. (It brings to mind a homily Pope Francis gave last year about gossip.) Talking about others uncharitably is gossip. A TV show about discernment might especially tempt those of us who know more about this spiritual art to make judgments about the people involved. But in all honesty, as viewers we are not even receiving the full picture.

We all know that reality TV is not real:

  • it’s edited so that we never have the full context for any event or conversation
  • people naturally play to the camera or can even react differently if they are within range of a camera
  • reality TV fosters or emphasizes drama.

We also don’t know what only God knows: the deep desires and motivations of each person. Keeping all of that  in mind, even if we had the right to judge, we don’t have the full information needed to do so. (And we never do!)

* * *

In that spirit, I’d like to close with a prayer for all the discerners: those on the show itself, and those who are watching and seeking to discern God’s will for their lives.

Come, Holy Spirit, and shine your light, peace, and wisdom on Eseni, Stacey, Francesca, Claire, and Christie, and all those who seek to live more fully in accord with your will.

-Give them the peace to not be caught up in their feelings, but to sort through them in serenity to have greater clarity about their desires

-Purify their hearts so that their motivation to live in union with you grows always greater

-And grant them the courage and freedom to risk, to take on new challenges and try new things, as they seek to discover how you call them to live the Gospel of life and of love. Amen.

For those interested, you can find the new, free Discern It! App here from the Daughters of Saint Paul.

The Power of Stories

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

antique-booksI have loved stories ever since I can remember, becoming an avid, insatiable reader as a child.  Some years ago, I realized that if I wanted to make a talk or workshop memorable, I had to tell a powerful story. Better yet if I could illustrate and connect the important points of my workshop together through a series of stories. We are surrounded with stories: novels, TV shows, films, video games… Some would call our communications culture an entertainment culture; even our news has become “infotainment,” which means that for us to retain facts, they are best told to us in an entertaining way (usually narrative- or humor-driven). We may think that we are sophisticated technologically, but our nature as human beings hasn’t changed. We always have and still find a good, simple story hugely compelling.

While it’s lamentable that many of us seem to need to be entertained to stay well-informed, and that our attention span as a culture seems to be growing collectively shorter, it’s reassuring that the power of a good story hasn’t changed. Stories have always been compelling, and stories can go well beyond simple entertainment.

Stories are often an important way in which we find meaning in events that are troubling, complex, or outside of our usual experience. Looking at a seemingly random incident in the light of its causes or consequences can comfort us with a sense of meaning or purpose. A good story can:

* help us learn from another’s experience

* feel a sense of community or support

* discover our identity

* recognize a pattern in seemingly random events

* discover what we share with others who are different from us

* walk in another’s shoes

* be inspired to see how important even one small event or choice can be

Perhaps because a good story “works on us” on several levels (intellectual, emotional, imaginative, experiential, spiritual, etc.), stories remain one of the most important ways we have of making sense of our world and of our lives, and of communicating in a meaningful way with others.

In the Bible, God uses stories to communicate with us. From prophets in the Old Testament, to Jesus, to the adventures of Saint Paul, to the Fathers of the Church, to theologians today, the events of the Bible are seen as salvation history—that is, the story of how God redeems, heals, and saves his people.  Our individual lives can also be seen or interpreted as our personal stories of God’s healing, saving action in our lives, and our response to God: our personal salvation history.

In The Silmarillion, when Tolkien told the story of the creation of Middle Earth in a way beautifully reminiscent of Genesis, he wrote about creation as “great music.” As a Catholic and as a story writer, when I reflect on the world that God has created and my place in it, I see God as the Creator but also as the Storyteller, and Jesus not just as the Word of God but also the Story of God.

Seeing our individual lives as part of God’s salvation story for all humanity helps us to see the larger context of our lives, and to accept life’s ups and downs more easily, discovering meaning (or at least some meaning) behind the challenges, sufferings, joys, and routine of our lives.

* * *

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To Journal About

1. What are my favorite kinds of stories?

2. If I think about my life as a story, what kind of a story is it?

3. How do I see my life as my salvation history? What role does God have in the story of my life?

Discernment Tip:

Re-read my favorite story in the Bible. Why do I like this story? What might be God’s invitation to me through this story?

A Real Sister’s Take on The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 30 Comments
Photo: Sr. Irene Wright, FSP

Photo: Sr. Irene Wright, FSP

Starting Nov. 25th, Lifetime® is broadcasting a series called: The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns, which uses the reality TV format to follow five young women who want to discern their vocations to religious life, and go on a six-week visit to three convents.

How marvelous that what seems to be a positive portrayal of religious life is broadcasting on prime time. What a huge witness these five young women give in sharing their decision to discern religious life! It’s amazing that a secular TV broadcaster is offering time and space for a reflection on religious life at the very beginning of the Year of Consecrated Life (which runs from the First Week of Advent this year until February 2, 2016).

Moments I Loved in the Show…and Why:

* When one of the young woman arrives at the door for her first visit to a convent, she sits inside saying over and over, “I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared…” Why? Because when I first visited the convent, I was so nervous that I begged my mother who was driving me to turn around and take me home.

* The overwhelming, joyful welcome of each young woman to the community. A wonderful genuine moment.

* The description one sister gave of community life: “One of the greatest challenges and one of the greatest joys.”  Because this is absolutely true.

* The appreciation that the families of these young women expressed about religious life. One father says something like, “Religious are beautiful people.” I was inspired, edified, and touched at their respect and love for religious life.

* The mention of Sr. Dolores Hart inspiring one young woman to consider religious life. Because her hidden, contemplative life “shouts” the love of God to the world!

* The support that the young women give to each other. Because this is the beginning of their understanding of community in religious life.

* * *

I’ll be watching the whole series, and I’m very interested in hearing from others about it. Here are some of my first impressions:

★ Kudos to Lifetime® and producers Hot Snakes Media for giving a positive and realistic glimpse of real women religious on prime time—in all their heroic everydayness. The producers have definitely done their homework in understanding religious life and in choosing interviews that are both authentic and fascinating. I think the series might be better called: Inside the Convent, or A First Look at the Sisterhood!

★ Prayers for the generous and sincere young women who are discerning religious life, and are willing to encourage others by sharing their journey with us.

★ Caution: this show is not portraying a typical discernment journey, and might even be confusing for those who are discerning religious life or another vocation. Vocational discernment is a very sacred, interior journey that one walks with God. It’s about growing in our relationship with God, in our understanding of ourselves and the gift of self that God gives us, and our God-given mission. Although the show follows five young women who seem genuinely sincere about discerning religious life, a six-week live-in would not be a typical first step in their discernment. From what the young women shared, none of them are really familiar with religious life; they don’t know the sisters or communities that they are visiting, and they aren’t well-prepared about what to expect on their visits. In a typical discernment, a young woman would email or talk on the phone with a vocation director before making an initial visit to a convent. And a first visit is typically much, much shorter: an afternoon or a weekend, not a six-week live-in. As a vocation director, in talking with a young woman I would always share with her what to expect when she visited. My main goal was to help her discern her call by deepening her relationship with God, not to put her through a “test” to see if she can “make it.”

Most reality-TV shows have an accepted, contrived framework: a contest, a game, or some other framework created specifically for the show that keeps the show within certain boundaries. And then there are the accepted conventions of a reality TV show: interpersonal conflicts, competition among participants, and self-revelation/exposure that often includes uncharitable talk as one person compares self with others.

In the case of The Sisterhood, in some ways the producers have been able to rise above some of these conventions. But not entirely. First of all, TV has to focus on externals. This already distorts the portrayal of the discernment process because it is primarily an interior journey. In Episode 1, the very contrivance of a six-week live-in at such an early stage in discernment sets up drama and crises that could have been avoided (and normally are). For me, a former video producer as well as a sister who has accompanied young women in their discernments, it raises important questions. How does one avoid exploiting the vulnerability of these generous and courageous young women? How does one authentically portray onscreen a journey that is spiritual and therefore invisible? How does one respect the sacredness of a young woman’s discernment journey and her growing relationship with God, while seeking to portray it on-camera?

As a genuine “first glance” inside a convent, The Sisterhood: Becoming Sisters is wonderful. From what I can see, the show is an inside view of religious life, an initial discovery of what religious life is like, rather than an in-depth portrayal of authentic vocational discernment. I hope that The Sisterhood: Becoming Sisters will highlight the validity of the choice for consecrated life and make it more understandable to viewers who might otherwise never give religious life a second thought. I am sure that the show will offer many insights into the journey of discerning religious life, as well as religious life itself. But I hope that viewers—especially young people who are discerning or who are considering their vocations—will understand that, although the show’s intentions are to be authentic, this is a rather misrepresented view of discernment. I hope the show encourages discerners to seek out sisters (and priests and brothers) who can help them to enter into a true discernment—one whose greatest drama is a growing configuration with Christ.

While I hope to continue commenting on the show in general, I will not be commenting on each woman’s individual discernment journey. Instead, I’d like to close each of my comments with a prayer for Claire, Eseni, Christie, Stacey, and Francesca, and for all the viewers who might be considering religious life. Please pray with me:

Lord, you invite each of us to follow you.
Bless those who take your invitation seriously,
especially young people who are discerning
if you are calling them to religious life—
a life that is a more intense witness to you,
a radical “yes” to the gift of Baptism,
to dying to self and rising with you,
and to sharing your love with the world.
Bless Claire, Eseni, Christie, Stacey, Francesca, and all who are discerning religious life.
Help them to grow closer to you,
to generously open themselves to Your love at work in them,
and to say “yes” to however you call them to follow you.  Amen.

What did you think? It would be wonderful to get your reactions/feedback/questions that arose from watching the show!

What’s Your Story?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment
Puzzled Squirrel

Like me, have you had “frozen squirrel” moments…where you’ve not been sure where God is calling you to go next?

Do any of the following feel true…at least some of the time?

  • You feel that you are placed here on earth for a reason, that you were intended to do something special, to fulfill your unique role in God’s story for the world…but you feel you haven’t found what that is yet.
  • You’re discerning your vocation–or you want to discern your vocation–and you don’t know where to start.
  • You want to do God’s will, but you’re not sure what that is. Or you worry that you aren’t “up to it” and so you put off trying.
  • You are searching for meaning, for a deeper purpose in life. But you feel disorganized, overwhelmed, uncertain how to juggle priorities, so that you end up doing things which may be important to others…but don’t feel as important to you.
  • You always wanted to be someone who “made a difference,” to be part of something greater than yourself, something that could really change lives, and you’re frustrated because you don’t feel that what you do matters.
  • You worry that you are meandering through life, not fulfilling what you are meant to do here on earth, not living your own story fully.
  • Looking back on your life, you worry that you’ve made the wrong choices, and now you’ve reached a turning point in your life, but you don’t know what to do…or if your choice will even matter any more.

If any of these thoughts or feelings resonate with you, this blog (which I hope eventually to turn into a book) might be able to help you to sort through your life using the spiritual art of discernment.

To Journal:

* Which (if any) of the above statements ring true for you? If you can, write about the one that best describes your inner state. 

* If you viewed your life as a story, how would you describe where you are right now? What’s lacking in your story?

* What are you hoping to “get” from reading this blog or book?

Share your insights and thoughts here or in the comments box below!

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Thank you for your response. ✨