Inside Out is a delightful animated film that stands up to repeated viewings by children and adults. (I got more out of the film the second time I watched it!) The themes of feelings, integration, and getting to know our inner life make this film an interesting way to reflect on feelings and discernment.
I’ve posted up a new Discernment@theMovies Guide to the film here. I hope you have a chance to watch the film and to reflect on it. If you do, please share your comments here!
Several months ago, a reader noted that my favorite book about discernment, Discernment: Acquiring the Heart of God by Marko Ivan Rupnkik, SJ, is no longer available. Sadly, this is true—even used copies are quite expensive! None of the books I am going to recommend here—and there are many good ones—quite replace Father Rupnik’s book in scope and depth in one volume. However, there are some great resources out there that you can read (while waiting for my book, based on this blog, of course!)
Father Timothy Gallagher, OMV, shares his expertise on discernment and Ignatian spirituality in a style that is both lucid and deep. He is by far my favorite author on discernment! Father’s story-driven style makes it easy to understand how to apply Ignatian principles to our own lives, even when he is exploring more complex material. All of his books are excellent and helpful for growing in the spiritual art of discernment. The first book that I’d recommend is:
Discerning the Will of God: An Ignatian Guide to Decision Making
by Father Timothy M. Gallagher, OMV
A wonderful source of practical wisdom for seeking God’s will, based on the writings of St. Ignatius of Loyola. Full of examples and stories, Father Timothy Gallagher makes the wisdom of Saint Ignatius of Loyola accessible to the everyday person. In this book, he goes through Ignatius’s three “modes” of discernment, which are extremely helpful for us to see how God works in our lives in different ways. Not only does Father take us through the process of discerning in each mode, he begins the book by spending a significant amount of time showing us how to prepare to discern: the “foundation” of God’s loving will for us, an openness to God’s will, and the means to use in our preparation, such as the Eucharist, the Word of God, and spiritual direction.
If you’re looking for another, deeply Ignatian perspective on much of the material covered here in this blog, Discerning the Will of God is a great choice. (Available at any Pauline Books & Media Center in the USA or Toronto, Canada, and online at frtimothygallagher.org)
Awareness that God has created us out of love and ceaselessly offers that love us; a consequent thirst for communion of wills with the one who so deeply loves us; the consciousness that each of us can say with John Henry Newman, ‘He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another’; the desire to live like Jesus who always did the will of the One who sent him: This is the foundation of discernment. – Discerning the Will of God: An Ignatian Guide to Christian Decision Making, pp. 29-30
The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide to Everyday Living
by Father Timothy M. Gallagher, OMV
The Discernment of Spirits takes a deeper look at discernment by exploring the Rules of Discernment developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola, which are foundational to living Ignatian spirituality. This material is more complex than Discerning the Will of God, but Father Timothy makes it accessible through his clear explanations and examples of contemporary stories. A good follow-up to the previous book for those interested in going deeper into discerning God’s will in daily life, and how God helps us to discern through desolation and consolation. I highly recommend The Discernment of Spirits, which the website states is Father’s most popular book.
Father Gallagher has written a number of other books on Ignatian spirituality—including books on the Examen prayer, on praying with the Word of God, and further exploring of Ignatius’s Rules of Discernment He wisely provides a guide to all six of his books on Ignatian spirituality, which you can find by scrolling down this page: frtimothygallagher.org/books.
Called to Life by Father Jacques Philippe
This small book that provides a solid foundation for discerning one’s vocation and for discernment in every day life, especially developing our relationship with God, God’s desire for our happiness, our vocation as human beings, and listening to the call of God in the Word of God. This is a good start for someone on the path of discernment. Father Jacques Phillippe is a priest in the Community of the Beatitudes, and has become popular both in his accessible writings and retreats.
Every authentic vocation is a calling to live ever more fully. We should be wary of callings that may mask refusal to engage life, fear of love, flight from the body or feelings, or a lack of acceptance of human existence as it is. Accepting one’s calling should mean choosing a more intense, abundant way of life, not fear-driving flight, or a disguised choice of death, as can happen with some poorly discerned religious commitments. – Called to Life, pp. 24-25
He Speaks to You by Sr. Helena Burns, FSP
A daily meditation book that assists young women to enter into a daily conversation with Jesus about their lives, according to themes that draw the reader ever deeper into a personal relationship with Jesus. Monthly themes include: His Love, His Life, His Cross, His Will, His Family, His Majesty, His Ways, etc. The month of April (His Will), is dedicated to discernment, vocation and freedom. Sister Helena is a sister of my community, the Daughters of Saint Paul, and, in addition to her wonderful media work and her frequent presentations on the Theology of the Body, she has also dedicated years to assisting young women in discerning their call in life.
(From Jesus): My written word is your sure guide. It is enlightenment, consolation, and most of all, My love letter to you.
‘Thy word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path’ (Psalm 119:105).
God is always communicating. Always. If we can’t hear Him, perhaps we need to open our ears a little more! Perhaps we don’t like what He says and so we look for a different word from Him. Thus, He seems silent. The Apostle John says that all the books in the world couldn’t hold what God has done (and is doing and saying right now)!
‘I know the plans I have for you…to give you a future and a hope’ (Jer. 29:11). What clues do you have from God’s word about your future?
Dear Jesus, even Your “hard sayings” are good news because they have the power to heal and redeem me. Help me always experience Your word as good, helping me see the big picture. – He Speaks to You, p. 98 (April 5)
Two more titles that you might find helpful are:
The Art of Discernment: Making Good Decisions in Your World of Choices by Stefan Kiechle
A basic, practical, and easy-to-use book about discernment that is focused on decision-making. The approach is Ignatian and includes many quotes from people in discernment or in the middle of making a decision.
Close to the Heart: A Practical Approach to Personal Prayer by Margaret Silf
Author Margaret Silf writes about Ignatian spirituality and Christian prayer for the every day person, from a “real life” perspective. Along with prayer, discernment is beautifully covered in this book that helps the reader who is just starting out in the spiritual life to grow in their relationship with Christ. (Note: Although Margaret Silf no longer considers herself Catholic but Christian, her way of making Ignatian spirituality accessible for the everyday person is still widely regarded.)
![Ferguson Slide by Eeekster (own work) [CC by 3.0]](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AFerguson-slide.jpg)
One response that came up high in the results of the poll, What’s the Biggest Obstacle to Considering Consecrated Life, was a written-in answer that had a common thread:
All of these answers are about what others think and expect of us, especially family and loved ones. This fear is very understandable. But, being overly concerned or fearful about others’ opinions impinges on our freedom to discern. Yet in our discernments we are to consult with those who know us well. How are we supposed to take into account our family’s and friends’ advice when we are discerning something that they don’t expect, such as an unusual vocational choice? Should we even consult them?
Several Factors To Consider
1) Discerning our vocation is sacred, and if we truly feel that we might be called to religious life or priesthood, it’s important to discern it without letting our families’ or friends’ opinions prevent us from doing so. Our vocation is a sacred calling that is too important to let the resistance or disapproval of family and friends stand in the way of even exploring it. This doesn’t make it easy. But it is very freeing to seek our true calling, and if God is calling us to religious life or priesthood, he will give us the grace to work through our fears and all other obstacles.
2) When we are discerning, the people we seek advice from should above all be living a spiritual life, otherwise they may not understand or be able to support us in seeking God’s will. (Other qualities, such as wisdom and knowing us well, are helpful. But above all, they must also desire that we follow God’s will.)
3) Seeking advice or counsel is not the same as seeking approval. In consulting others, we are looking for greater knowledge and insight about ourselves, our situation, and how God is inviting us, but we are not seeking to please the person we are consulting with.
4) To know our fears when we discern is really helpful because fear can help us to reflect and to bring our discernment to prayer. However, fear in itself is not a sufficient motivation to decide whether or not to discern something, especially when it’s something as important as a vocation. Instead, we can make our fear part of our discernment by exploring why we are afraid, and then, offering our fears to the Lord and moving forward.
If we feel the need to discern something which we know someone important in our life (such as a parent or friend) is probably going to disapprove, then we need to seek greater interior freedom. Becoming free is the hardest part of discerning! In these cases, it is really important to detach ourselves from others’ opinions about our discernment, so that we don’t allow fear to control us and so that we can more freely listen to God’s invitation. This detachment is often a gradual journey that happens as we discern and God’s call becomes clearer to us.
Sorting Through Others’ Opinions
Sorting through others’ opinions—whether favorable or unfavorable to our discernment—can sometimes be helpful in detaching ourselves from them. We may want to ask ourselves a few questions:
A) Why do we think they would oppose a particular decision? Are we just unsure, or are we pretty certain that they will be disappointed? Will the lack of support be permanent, or is it just that what we are discerning is new, and they will need time to get used to the idea?
B) If we are pretty sure that this person(s) will not understand or be disappointed in our decision, do we know why? For example, some parents are hesitant about their daughter becoming a sister because they think they will never see her again, and they love their daughter and want to stay close to her. (Different congregations have different practices about their sisters visiting their families, so this particular concern may not even be real.) At other times, a parent might resist a child trying to follow a certain career (such as becoming an actor or an artist) because they know how hard it is to earn a living in the arts, and they want their child to have security.
These kinds of questions can help us to see past our own fears into the real concerns of our loved ones—concerns that we need to think about and perhaps address with them, if and when we tell them about our discernment.
Discerning Our Vocation Is Sacred
Ideally, we’d want to share our vocational discernment at least in part with our family, because we want our family’s understanding and support throughout our life. But sometimes a parent or family member will be so resistant to a particular vocation that we simply need to wait to tell them about it until after we have completed our discernment.
Our vocation is a sacred calling that is too important to let the resistance or disapproval of family and friends stand in the way. Countless priests, brothers, and sisters had to go against their parents’ wishes to follow their vocation. (The family of Saint Thomas Aquinas’s family kidnapped and imprisoned him to prevent him from following his vocation in the Dominican Order.) This is not an easy path to walk, but if we possess sufficient maturity and have discerned well, it is more important to follow God’s call than to give in to our family’s opinions. Jesus himself called his disciples to leave their parents and families behind to follow him.
St. John Paul II had this to say about following one’s vocation:
“Do not be afraid of the radicalness of Christ’s demands, because Jesus, who loved us first, is prepared to give himself to you, as well as asking of you. If he asks much of you, it is because he knows you can give much.” – Sept. 8, 1992
Photo credit: Ferguson Slide by Eeekster (own work) used under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license
After posting about what to do when we feel unworthy about following our call, I came across the story of Sr. Marlyn Evangelina Monge, another Daughter of Saint Paul. Like me, she wondered if she was “worthy” to become a sister. I hope you enjoy it.
On her blog, Pursued by Truth, Sr. Theresa Aletheia highlights Sr. Alicia, who won on the show Chopped this week! Find out more about this wonderful sister, her community, the Franciscans of the Eucharist, and the good work that they do in Chicago. Soon, you will also find on this same blogpost a link to the Chopped! show in which Sr. Alicia won the cooking competition!
Here’s one more “Discernment Tip” Video from Sr. Margaret Michael. This tip is one that I don’t hear too often–and I think it’s a great one! (Hmm…another post for my blog/book.)
* * *
Although it’s probably hard to tell, I’ve reached the end of another chapter. This chapter was about “Helps and Obstacles Along the Way of Discernment.” Before I move on to specific moments of discernment (turning points in our lives), are there any other obstacles or helps to discernment that you’d like to see discussed here? Feel free to send me an email or post a comment.
I have only one more pending question to answer: the request for recommendations for books about discernment, since the favorite that I’d recommended has gone out of print. This answer is taking longer because I’m working on several book reviews, which hopefully I can post soon. So, if you’ve sent me a question and I haven’t it answered it yet, I apologize because I’ve lost it! Please feel free to send it again. I recently reorganized my email, so hopefully I won’t lose any more questions or comments in the future!
As an American, I consider freedom to be hugely important. How important to you is your freedom? Who is the freest person you know? How would you define freedom?
* * *
Freedom is not doing whatever we want, without any consequences. Unfortunately, this is often how people think of it today. Earlier in this blog in the Lectio Divina: Free in Christ, I tried to start unpacking what true freedom really is:
Sometimes we equate freedom with a lack of external constraints–such as rules, or walls, or consequences. But true freedom is really about a lack of inner constraints–from unhealthy attachments and addictions, from anger, from selfishness, from fear; above all, from sin.
Freedom is not an escape from, but an ability to choose for. Freedom truly is the ability to “Love, and do what you want,” but the key is that “what you want” is a pure desire, free from self-love and directed towards God.
Saints are truly free persons who are able to give themselves completely in love to others because they are confident in God’s love for them. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus broke out of the prison of fear to be fully free: he freely chose to embrace the will of his Father, out of complete confidence in his Father and out of the love for humanity which he shared with his Father.
It is important to grow in freedom as we are discerning. Otherwise the voices of our own ego or selfish desires can drown out God’s voice, no matter how God speaks to us. But learning to live in a spirit of discernment—like any aspect of the spiritual life—is gradual. A good discernment doesn’t require perfect freedom. However, we should at least try to recognize what our desires and attachments are in the area of this particular discernment, so that we can strive to let go of them as much as humanly possible. Even healthy, good desires and attachments—such as our satisfaction in a particular aspect of the Church’s mission, or our love for our family—can become impediments to true freedom if we make them more important than the will of God.
To Journal About
What is your vision of freedom?
What are the biggest obstacles to freedom that you face in your current discernment?
After you have journaled about these questions, bring your answers and your desires to Jesus in prayer.
![Anton Robert Leinweber [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://coauthoryourlifewithgod.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1024px-robert_leinweber_001-e1447104654156.jpg)
“Peter’s Denial” by Anton Robert Leinweber [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
After seeing the results of the recent poll that I posted (“What’s the biggest obstacle to considering consecrated life?”) one reader asked a series of really great questions about feeling that we are not good enough to be a religious:
Hello Sister, thank you for your posts! I love your blog.
I can see from the poll results a lot of us feel like we are not good enough to be religious.What would you say to young women with a history of sinful behavior or who think they aren’t devout or prayerful enough?
Are devotion and prayerfulness things that can be nurtured?
If we are called to religious life will sins from our past be an issue?Thank you! 🙂
Thanks for the great questions! I think we can start by making a couple of clarifications that can help with some false assumptions that many of us share.
Being Worthy
1) God’s love is gratuitous and unconditional. None of us are “worthy” of the kind of relationship with God that God seeks to have with us. God’s love is gratuitous; he simply wants to be with us, no matter where we are. But that doesn’t mean that God leaves us where we are, especially if we are trapped in a cycle of sin or deeply unhappy.
God’s love is multi-faceted: first, God simply loves us for who we are, no conditions. But God’s love is not idle. God works actively to bring about our greatest good, whether within us by inviting us to grow in a the way we need most, or externally through circumstances and people who help us to grow in the area we need the most (or both)! No matter where we are in our lives or spiritual journeys, God is inviting us to grow, to become more Christlike, to grow into our best selves.
Think of Jesus’ Apostles. They were far from perfect, but Jesus loved them and called them as they were, even with their dramatic failures. (Think of Peter’s denial.) But Jesus also formed them, taught them, called them to live in him, to share in his life, to receive the power of the Holy Spirit so that they could witness to him.
2) Priestly, diaconal, and religious life, because of their visibility, lifestyle, and dedication to prayer and ministry, can certainly seem “holier” or “better” in a theoretical sense. (For example, religious life is described as the call to perfection; priestly ministry is talked about as in persona Christi: “in the person of Christ.” But keep in mind also that all vocations are described by the Church in spousal terms that relate to the God-instituted gift of marriage.) So the true question to ask in discerning one’s vocation is not, “Which vocation is better?” because all vocations, all states in life, are good; each has its own strengths, appeals, and charism; all of them are calls to great holiness. Instead, the true question is: “Which vocation is God calling me to? Which vocation is the best for me? Which vocation is the path where I will most grow in holiness?” Wherever God is calling me, that vocation is the “holier” one, the “best.”
Just as none of us are worthy of God’s love, none of us are “worthy” of the call to holiness (relationship with God) in the various states in life. Each vocation is mind-blowingly beautiful and exalted when understood in all its God-given glory.
When we remember that the “best” vocation is the vocation God intends for me, we are ready to truly discern.
Past Sins and Being Called
With regard to sinfulness in general, it’s important to know that everyone struggles with sin, including priests and religious. I remember when I entered religious life, I naïvely thought that my temper would disappear without much effort…or even all by itself! Unfortunately for the sisters I live with, that was not true. However, my personality—while at times challenging for the sisters with whom I live in community—is generally drawn towards community: I’m truly, deeply happy in sharing my life closely with the other sisters in the convent. So even though I still have to examine myself frequently on my temper (especially when I’m tempted to speak sharply to someone), it doesn’t make community life unbearable for me nor prevent me from being called to religious life.
When discerning, it’s really good to review our personal history and what our choices tell us about our deepest desires. The most obvious example here (and a frequently asked question) is about celibate chastity. If we have not lived chastely as a single lay person, can we still be called to priesthood or religious life? The answer is a definite “Yes, it’s possible.” But it’s important to look at our struggles and history closely and prayerfully. If someone has not lived chastely for a lengthy period of time, then they may not be called to live vowed celibate chastity for the rest of their lives as a priest, brother, or sister. Their attraction to marital intimacy—even when acted upon outside of marriage—could be an indication that the person is called to marriage. On the other hand, Saint Augustine, who struggled with living a chaste life for decades, became a priest and then a bishop. Why? Augustine’s radical conversion, focused Christian discipleship and chaste lifestyle for a number of years, convinced his bishop that Augustine was indeed called to be a priest and later, a bishop.
Praying over our history—the graces, the joys, the sorrows, and our sinfulness—helps us to discern what our deep desires are, which in turn often give us important clues about how God might be calling us.
“I Don’t Pray Enough”
The final question, that someone may not feel worthy to be a priest, deacon, or religious because they don’t have enough devotion or don’t pray enough, is answered by the questioner. Yes, devotion and prayer can be nurtured—and all of us, not just priests, deacons, and sisters, need to continually nurture our prayer life!
In addition to Mass, lectio divina is the form of prayer that I’ve encouraged most on this blog because praying with the Word of God is so powerful and is really a primary way of praying for all Catholics. Other forms of prayer that I recommend include: Eucharistic adoration, devotion and prayers to the Blessed Mother, meditation, morning and evening prayer, the Liturgy of the Hours. Most people have several ways that they pray regularly. At certain times in their lives, they’ll probably feel called to shift or try another form of prayer. If someone feels their prayer life is lacking, then it’s easy to make a little plan to grow in prayer: in scope (the time we spend) or in depth (the quality of our prayer), or both! Advent and Lent are great times to do this each year—they are the “retreat seasons” that the Church offers to all of us to focus on growing closer to Christ.
In this blog, I’ve tried to include a little of how to grow in various forms of prayer. As Catholics, we have lots of great resources that can help us to grow in our prayer life, whether we are just learning how to pray for the first time, or whether we want to expand and try something new or more contemplative. I’m curious if you as a reader would find it helpful for me to include a list of great books to begin, nurture, and develop your prayer life. Or perhaps you wonder about your prayer life and would find it helpful for me to include a short “primer on prayer” in the book/blog. Please let me know—in the comments or via email.
When we get to the section about specific kinds of discernment, I’ll respond to some of the other obstacles to discerning religious life, diaconate, or priesthood that came up in the poll–they were some great answers there! (If you have a specific burning question or obstacle, let me know and I’ll try to answer it sooner.) And if you haven’t taken the poll yet, you can still do so here.
Several people have sent in questions or comments, which I will be delighted to address tomorrow or Friday. But in the meantime, I have run across a number of wonderful reflections and tips for those who are discerning, and I couldn’t wait to share them with you. Check these out!
From Sr. Margaret Michael’s video, Discernment Tip #2: He who is the Way will show us the way for our life. Pray! (Check out her video on facebook here on our Daughters of St. Paul Facebook Page–and keep checking back all week!) Actually, if you are discerning religious life, I would recommend you visit the discernment section on our Daughters of Saint Paul website, too. No matter what community you are called to, you will most likely find the discernment tips offered there very helpful. (Yes, I wrote some of the material that you will find there.)
Sr. Christina Neumann, OSF, who has a lovely blog that offers an “inside view” of religious life from the Franciscan perspective, offers her reflection for how we can all live #NationalVocationAwarenessWeek
The Heart of Mary’s Women’s Fellowship occasionally offers “self-studies” or “mini-retreats.” They recently posted a beautiful nine-day series of Scriptural reflections on call, vocation, and discernment, which you can find here. This series of reflections make a beautiful Scriptural novena with lectio divina for anyone who is seeking to discern how to follow God more closely in their life.
The Coffee Spoons Blog posted a lovely reflection, “Everything is grace,” about St. Thérèse’s Garden: that living our true vocation is not necessarily living whom we think we’re supposed to be, but whom God calls us to be! St. Therese’s words are a joyful reminder of God’s loving call to us to be ourselves–our best selves.
When I was growing up, my parents always encouraged me to think of the future with freedom and hope. Although my parents had high expectations regarding my behavior and my schooling, they gave my siblings and I great freedom in deciding what we would do with our lives. I knew they wanted me to be happy and holy, but I also knew that I could aspire to be a nurse, a veterinarian, a musician, or anything else, and they would support me in following my dreams.
So, when I asked permission to enter the convent while still a teenager, I was thrilled but not super-surprised that they said “yes.” (I expected support but wasn’t sure if my parents would ask me to wait.) Only later did I realize how unusual their decision was, how hard it must have been for them, and how much flak they received from family and friends in allowing me to follow my dreams.
Helping a child discern his or her vocation in life is one of the most important responsibilities of being a parent. Why? Because we find our most complete fulfillment and happiness possible here on earth when we are living our vocation. In creating us, God has gifted us with a mission that, when we carry it out, fulfills our deepest desires and allows us to develop our gifts. Helping a child to discover and follow their unique, God-invited path is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to a child; such a gift becomes foundational to that child’s happiness for the rest of his or her life!
The most important way to help a child follow his or her vocation is, of course, to nurture their life of faith and their call to holiness. But how can parents specifically foster in their children an openness to every vocation?
Openly talk about the various vocations with your children.
If your child is old enough to be seriously thinking about his or her future, invite him or her to consider the various options. Talk about the advantages and gifts of each state in life. If they make a preemptive choice for a particular vocation or career, talk it over with them reasonably. Even if their choice seems ridiculous, find out why they are drawn to it, and help them to see the practical consequences. By encouraging them to think through their choices, you free them from the pressure of choosing something simply to please you or someone else.
One resource to begin a conversation—even at a young age— is this flip book published by Paulist Press entitled What Does a Priest Do? / What Does a Nun Do? by Susan Heyboer O’Keefe. (The back cover is the front of the second book, What Does a Nun Do?)
For young women (teens and young adults) He Speaks to You by Sr. Helena Burns, FSP is a daily meditation book directed specifically to teens with super-short meditations, prayers, and activities that encourage a young woman to root her life in Christ and discern how she can follow Jesus in her daily life and in the future.
Help to make deacons, priests and sisters familiar to your children whenever possible.
Find ways to be active at your parish, and encourage your children to participate as well, as a singer in the children’s choir, as an altar server, as a member of the Junior Legion of Mary, etc. In addition to helping them engage in parish life, they will also see the priest(s) at the parish more often.
If you have a friend who is a sister, deacon, or priest, invite them over for a family dinner.
Encourage your child to become a pen pal of a religious priest or sister. (Sr. Christina Marie Neumann, OSF, has offered to match up a few pen pals with sisters in her community, the Franciscan Community of Dillingen-Hankinson, North Dakota Province. (Website home at www.ourfranciscanfiat.wordpress.com)
Another resource for young children is from ABCatholic, who has created a unique series of dolls, among them “Sister Softy” who can help to make religious life more familiar for young girls. Unfortunately, many young people never have the opportunity to meet religious sisters, especially sisters in habits. Sadly, the habit, which is meant to be a sign of consecration to God but also a sign of God’s loving care, can even make some people feel a bit intimidated to approach a sister. This doll—and others in the series, such as the Carmelite Sister or the Dominican Sister—can help make religious sisters accessible.
Share the lives of the saints with your children.
Share with your children of all ages stories of your favorite saints, planting the seeds for their vocation even at a young age. Use a Catholic calendar to note and celebrate feast days of your favorite saints. Perhaps you can pick a patron saint for your family every year, or choose a patron to celebrate every month.
Our sisters at Pauline Books & Media produce fantastic saints’ books for children. My favorite is the Encounter the Saints series (pictured above), which is awesome for middle grade children and young teens. (Sometimes older teens and adults will pick up an Encounter saint book because they want a quick and engaging introduction to a saint’s life.)
For younger children, Saints of the Americas Coloring Book was recently distributed at the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia as a way to encourage vocations in families.
Our sisters also have a Catholic book club for Catholic schools called JClub (“J” is for Jesus), which provides not just books and resources, but can sometimes include a visit from a sister to the school, if one of our convents is local: www.jclubcatholic.org/
Watching movies on the saints can become a monthly family night. These dramatic portrayals of the lives of the saints not only inspire growth in the faith and knowledge of Church history, but also provide an “inside view” of how different individuals have lived their unique vocations. For recommendations of great saint movies, check out this post on my media blog.
Perhaps the cutest option for encouraging younger children to encounter the saints for themselves is from the Kiczek family at www.DollsfromHeaven.com:
The Kiczek family have created a lovely doll of St. Therese of Lisieux, which comes with accessories: several costumes and a children’s book about her life. The Kiczek family are hoping to create a whole series of saint dolls at www.dollsfromheaven.com. Dolls are a warm way to encourage a child’s relationship with individual saints, as well as introduce the universal vocation to holiness, and the various vocations.
Creatively Use Holy Days and Holidays To Engage Your Children’s Imaginations
Dressing up is a favorite childhood pastime. Halloween gives children and families the opportunity to dress up imaginatively for a night. If your parish, Catholic homeschool group or Catholic school has a themed party for Halloween or All Saints Day, this is a perfect opportunity for your child to dress up as a monk, nun, priest or deacon. An “All Saints Day” party offers the chance to research a saint and dress up as well. A “Dress Up As Your Favorite Saint Contest” at home could also be an opportunity to explore what it means to live a particular vocation to holiness.
Celebrating the feast day of a favorite family saint can include reading the life of the saint aloud together, dressing up, and preparing a meal or dessert that reflects that saint’s nationality. (For more creative ideas about celebrating the saints in your family, check out Catholic Family Fun by Sarah Reinhard.)
Encourage Retreats and Visits to Shrines, Convents, and Monasteries
There is nothing like seeing religious life in action, to better understand it firsthand. Make a family pilgrimage to a convent, monastery, or seminary during an “open house” or special celebration. If an opportunity arises for an older child to make a retreat, go on a “nun run” (a visit to a series of convents for young women), or something similar, encourage him or her to go.
Encourage Active Participation in Mission Outreach
Encourage your teens to actively participate in mission outreach sponsored and supervised by the parish, diocese, or religious communities. Being sent on mission is a great way for a young person to experience the mission of the Church—a mission they are called to participate in, no matter what their vocation is. Mission experiences can help a young person understand that God has a mission for them to fulfill, and how important it is to correspond to God’s call.
Here are some additional ideas for ways to promote vocations in your family:
How To Promote Vocations in Your Family A comprehensive list of ideas downloadable as a PDF from the Diocese of LaCrosse.
7 Ways Families Can Foster Vocations is a brochure that can be purchased and shared—but also simply read online here.
Catholicmom.com has the most comprehensive resource online that I found for encouraging vocations in the family. I highly recommend checking it out—both for encouraging vocations, but also for great resources on nurturing holiness in our families.
This week, I want to make sure I respond to your questions! I know that my responses are often delayed by months, and there are probably a few questions that came to me that I didn’t answer. If you have a burning question about discernment, or specifically about religious life, please email me or add a comment! I will try to be proactive in the next two months and respond to your questions, either individually or as a post, within a week or so.
Recently, someone posted a comment to one of my posts about silence. I thought the question was excellent, so I’m reposting the question here, as well as my response.
I was wondering if you had any tips on how to BE silent? Whenever I try to meditate on a reading in silence, or go for a walk, or spend some quiet time in my room to pray, I find my mind instantly wandering to other things. How can I focus quieting my mind, not just my environment?
Entering into silence is often daunting or uncomfortable. Here are a couple of things I did when I first tried to pray silently. Even today, when I’m especially distracted I still go back to some of these, especially #s 1, 3, 4, & 5.
1) Start small. Try to focus your attention for a very short time–maybe 2 to 5 minutes. When your mind wanders (and this happens to all of us!), as soon as you realize it, bring your attention back to what you’re meditating on. Try meditating or praying quietly for 5 minutes a day. After you feel that you are able to focus for about half of that time, increase it to 10 minutes, and so on. Many people pray silently or meditate on the Word of God between 20-30 minutes a day.
2) What time are you choosing to pray? Prayer–especially contemplative prayer–is hard work, so it’s a good idea to find a fairly consistent time when we are quite alert, but not imminently distracted about our responsibilities. This is why early in the morning is a good time to pray for many people; others are able to pray best in the evening–after supper or before bed.
3) If you’re meditating on a reading, choose just one sentence or phrase that “resonates” with you and re-read it slowly several times. What comes to mind as you re-read it? What about this phrase stands out for you? Even if no thoughts or insight arrives, savor the sentence or phrase. Simply spending time with the Word of God and allowing it to enter deep within us can be deep prayer and transformative.
4) Look at the sources or “fonts” of your prayer. If you’re struggling to “quiet” your mind, choose a source that is easier to enter into. The Word of God is the best “font” for our prayer, but different passages are easier than others. For example, it took me several years to learn how to pray with the letters of Saint Paul, while praying with the Gospels–especially with the stories of Jesus healing people–was much easier for me to enter into. Needless to say, I used to pray mostly with the Gospels! Pick a book of the Bible–and the Gospels are ideal–that you can read more easily.
If you’re struggling to read the Bible or if you feel especially distracted, you can pick a spiritual writer that engages you, whom you really like to read. Sometimes another person’s insights can enable us to enter into silence a little more deeply or easily.
5) Talk to God about what you read or are trying to pray with–a spontaneous conversation. If you’re by yourself, you can even talk out loud! Make sure you give God space to respond to you. If you really find it impossible to concentrate, talk to God about what’s on your mind. Once again, after you have opened your heart to the Lord, make sure you take time to listen to his response. You may not “hear” any words or “feel” anything, but even making an act of faith that God is present by listening for him will bear fruit in your day.
6) Choose an environment that enhances your ability to concentrate. For example, try praying in a quiet chapel. If you’re praying in your room, create a simple prayer-corner with a religious image, statue or crucifix, a prayer book, a Bible, and a comfortable chair. If you like to pray outside, pick a beautiful but quiet place. Wherever you choose to pray quietly, use the environment to quiet your mind: focus on the religious image in your room; offer your heart to the Lord as the candle that is burning in the chapel sanctuary; etc. Using beauty or religious imagery to enter into prayer often engages our emotions and enables us to “bypass” our mind’s noisiness and encounter God in our hearts.
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There are so many styles of prayer, and it’s helpful to pray in a variety of ways, depending on what’s going on in our lives, where we are in the moment, how much time we have, and how we feel. Prayer doesn’t always need to be silent or contemplative:
Sr. Margaret Michael Gillis, Vocations Director for the Daughters of St. Paul, is offering a daily discernment tip on video for National Vocations Awareness Week. Her first tip is an invitation to pray for vocations, and you may want to check out the rest through the week at the Daughters of St. Paul Facebook Page. (I’ll try to post them here as I can.)
Co-Author Your Life with God 
