Discernment

Friday Q & A Discerning Religious Life: After You Enter the Convent

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

stairs-96937_1280My response to the second part of a question from a reader who is preparing to enter a religious community:

2. What does discernment look like once you’re in the convent? I’m sure it’s different for each community and individual but it’s just been interesting taking this ‘big step’ but also knowing that God could just be calling me to the convent for a time (though I do think He is calling me forever). Is it normal to assume that I’ll be there forever, or do you think there’s prudence in speaking of it as ‘the next step’ on a long journey?  I’ve just been curious about that…how does one look at the vocation once they’ve been accepted or once they’re in the order?

Discernment is a step-by-step journey and God works with us as individuals. Each of us gains more and more clarity through each stages of our vocational discernment and formation. While it is extremely helpful to do most of our discernment before we enter a religious community, the initial stages of formation are meant to be times of continued, deepening discernment—both for the individual and for the community. (The “initial” or beginning stages of formation, when we prepare to make perpetual vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, are: postulancy, novitiate, and, to some extent, the years of temporary profession. Each stage offers a confirmation of God’s will, through the growing desire of the person discerning, and through the continued acceptance of the person into the community—usually expressed through the superiors). Our novices, for example, always add the phrase “God willing” when they talk about making their vows, because they are still discerning God’s will for them, and they also trust in the community’s discernment.

In part, this time of discernment is needed because only now can the community truly get to to know the person who is discerning. Religious life requires a deep faith, an ability to grow spiritually, in self-awareness and maturity, a compatibility to live in harmony with others in close quarters, and an intense dedication to a specific mission. Religious life is really a completely different style of life that most people can’t experience until after they’ve entered, and thus a lived exerience is ordinarily required for a full discernment. For example, you don’t choose where you live, who you live with or what you do. This lived experience of sharing life with the community is really helpful in confirming one’s vocational discernment—both for the individual and for the community.

However, living in a spirit of discernment doesn’t mean that we enter a community casually, ready to leave at the first difficulty or struggle. That’s why the formation process and spiritual direction are essential: they help us understand the nature of the difficulties we face. All vocations have particular struggles and gifts; having a difficulty doesn’t mean that we are not called. (There will always be some aspects of religious life that will be hard for me to live fully! Just as married couples can never stop working at their marriage.) Those called to religious life are called to live a very radical faith that sees and obeys God’s will in very ordinary things, even such human things as a superior’s seemingly arbitrary decision. The call to live a radical poverty requires detachment and deep trust that the Lord will provide for us in every circumstance. Living the vow of chastity requires a human maturity that can cope with loneliness as well as open one’s heart to spiritual parenthood. Living in community means that we need flexibility, openness to to others, the ability to grow in self-knowledge, etc.

With the help of their formator, a postulant or novice will examine not just their individual struggles, but also their overall experience of religious life, noticing whether they are thriving and whether they are at peace even amid challenges.  As the individual discerning goes forward in the formation process, both the individual and the community become more and more sure of God’s will for the person. On my journey, I had moments of clarity and grace—even amid times of darkness—where God clearly invited me to go forward to the next step.

As I was going through the formation process, I didn’t assume that I would become a Daughter of Saint Paul, but I always greatly desired and hoped that God truly was calling me. And this great desire helped along the way—especially when I hit “bumps” on the road where I doubted or wondered if Pauline religious life was truly God’s call. My consistent, deep desire to be a Daughter of Saint Paul forever was key throughout my entire discernment.

This discernment process was not just helpful to me in discovering my vocation, but also to live that vocation more fully. One of the most wonderful things about my discernment journey is how it helped me prepare to say a much fuller “yes” to God’s call—not just when I made my vows—but also every day since.

Spiritual Direction

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 3 Comments

Another way to help us to listen to God in our prayer and in our lives is to seek out spiritual direction. Speaking regularly to a spiritual director is a time-honored practice, especially when someone is discerning their vocation, making a major life-choice, or a week-long retreat.

How can a spiritual director help us? Ideally, a spiritual director accompanies us on our journey, helping us to recognize God’s action and invitation in our lives. As we share our prayer and experiences with a spiritual director, the director helps us to understand more clearly how God is speaking to us in our prayer and our lives. The more honest we are, the more insight the spiritual director can offer to us. An essential part of spiritual direction is our openness about our lives and what is happening interiorly. At first, it can be difficult or feel awkward to speak about our spiritual lives, our deeper thoughts and feelings, and what happens in our prayer life, but it is important to be open with a spiritual director.

Finding a good spiritual director can take time but is worthwhile. Here are some characteristics to look for in a spiritual director:

—Approachable—someone you can honestly speak to

–Available–a spiritual director only has time to meet with so many directees, and in many places, spiritual directors are in short supply. If a spiritual director tells you that they are not available right now, or it becomes too difficult to arrange a meeting, it is probable that they are already directing too many people to fit in another person. You can ask them for a recommendation for another director.

—A good listener—a good spiritual director offers guidance and direction, but most often listens to our experiences and then points us towards what is significant about that experience

—Spiritual experience and maturity—someone who is faithful in living their faith, is proficient at prayer, and growing in their own spiritual life. Ideally, a spiritual director has significant experience in the spiritual life and also training in spiritual direction.

—Accompanies rather than leads.

How can we find a good spiritual director?

  • Look for a priest whose homilies or personal conversations you find helpful. (Parish pastors can often be too busy to offer spiritual direction, but sometimes an associate pastor may be available.)
  • Ask for a recommendation from your pastor or another priest you trust.
  • Call a Catholic retreat house and ask for recommended spiritual directors in your area.
  • Make a retreat and follow up with the retreat director, or with someone the retreat director recommends.
  • Connect with a religious community that offers spiritual direction: Jesuits, Benedictines, Oblates, etc.

Having a good spiritual director accompany us on our spiritual journey helps us to learn the principles of the spiritual life, recognize God’s unexpected action in our lives, avoid obstacles and self-deception, and go beyond being stuck in a rut or discouragement. However, while finding a good spiritual director to be very helpful, our true Spiritual Director is Jesus Christ, who guides us in hidden ways through the action of the Holy Spirit. And Jesus is always with us, guiding us.

Spending Quality Time with Our Co-Author

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

02G choice 1If we’re serious about co-authoring our life with God, then we will seek ways to spend quality time with God. Perhaps the easiest—or most direct—form of spending time with God is prayer.

Sometimes we may think of prayer in the ways that we learned to pray as a youngster—e.g., primarily vocal prayer such as the Rosary or the Divine Mercy chaplet, or a litany of petitions that we present, etc. These are beautiful forms of prayer that may include listening, but sometimes they include more of our talking than listening.

I’ve heard some people make the distinction that in vocal prayer, we talk to God, and in contemplative prayer, we listen to God speaking to us. This is too rigid of a distinction, but there is some truth to it.

So how do we nurture our ability to listen to God in prayer?

If we find that our prayer is full of our own agendas, or “noisy” with many distractions, or simply that we haven’t been spending much time listening, then we might want to start small and work our way up to a quieter or more contemplative form of prayer. Jumping from a daily Rosary prayed on our commute to a full silent hour of Eucharistic Adoration might be too much, and even discouraging. Instead, we can build our prayer life up gradually. How? Pray a decade of the Rosary in a more contemplative manner by focusing on the mystery of the Rosary. Add a silent 10-minute daily meditation on the Scripture to our prayer routine. Or perhaps add 20 minutes of Eucharistic adoration weekly to our daily Rosary.

The more we practice listening in prayer, the better we will become at it. Just as we need to intentionally spend quality time with family and friends to build our relationships, the same is true with our relationship with God. If we try to listen to God every day, we will eventually become proficient in listening to God throughout our daily life.

Wonderful resources on prayer can help us to grow in contemplative prayer. A few recommendations:

161305Cherished by the Lord: 100 Meditations  by Sr. Kathryn J. Hermes, fsp. Short Scriptural meditations that connect you to God’s love.

BeginningContemplativeCoverBeginning Contemplative Prayer by Sr. Kathryn J. Hermes, fsp. A practical guide to contemplation that explores various prayer methods and spiritualities.

MeetingJesusChristCoverMeeting Jesus Christ by J. Brian Bransfield: personal encounters with Jesus through Scriptural meditations, guided by Monsignor Bransfield.

and my newest book:

SOUL_CHRIST_cover_smallSoul of Christ: Meditations on a Timeless Prayer by Sr. Marie Paul Curley, fsp. Encountering Jesus in the Word of God and in the Eucharist through the “lens” of the familiar and beautiful Anima Christi prayer. Includes 12 guided hours of adoration.

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To Journal: What is my prayer like? How much time do I spend “talking” to God? How much time do I spend “listening” to God?

To Share: Email or post a question or a tip you have about prayer

Friday Discernment Q & A: What’s It Like To Enter a Convent?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

For those of you who have sent in questions, thank you for your patience! For now, Friday will be a Q & A day. Feel free to email me your questions, or contact me through the blog’s contact page.

530am Beach and Sunrise 049A young woman who was recently accepted into a community and will enter the convent in nine months asked the following.

“I’m interested in any tips or stories you have for either of these two things: 1. the upcoming months of saying goodbye/getting rid of material things/getting increasingly excited and probably lots of other emotions  (I bet there are some good stories here!) and 2. what does discernment look like once you’re in the convent? I’m sure it’s different for each community and individual but it’s just been interesting taking this ‘big step’ but also knowing that God could just be calling me to the convent for a time (though I do think He is calling me forever). Is it normal to assume that I’ll be there forever, or do you think there’s prudence in speaking of it as ‘the next step’ on a long journey?  I’ve just been curious about that…how does one look at the vocation once they’ve been accepted or once they’re in the order?”

Congratulations on your acceptance! You will be in my prayers—and I suspect in the prayers of all those who read this post. Since you asked a few different questions, I’ll split my answer into two parts.

The months between acceptance and entrance into a religious congregation are just as you describe: a whirlwind of emotions. For me, I experienced the dizzying joy of God’s profound love for me in inviting me to take the next step toward an exclusive, spousal relationship with him; I was also looking forward to an adventure that would be filled with the support of a loving community. Overall, I had so enjoyed visiting the sisters that at the end of each visit when it came time to go home, I didn’t want to leave. A couple people told me that after I’d made the decision to enter, they could see me “glow,” I was so happy. (A funny footnote here: I was so thrilled to enter that I actually became excited when my mom and I bought the un-stylish black “nun” shoes I was supposed to wear as a postulant. Definitely not the kind of shoe I was used to wearing.)

Alternating with the incredible joy, I experienced great fear: fear of the unknown; fear of the sacrifices I knew I’d be making, fear of being asked to do something I didn’t enjoy or couldn’t do, fear that I might not “measure up” to being a religious and the expectations of the sisters.

In addition to my fears, I very much dreaded the separation from my family. Until I made the decision to enter, I shared my discernment journey with just a few close family members. Telling my family that I was entering the convent was not easy. Almost everyone was supportive, but a couple of times I was surprised by remonstrances or regrets from a close family member–someone I’d been sure would understand. While I didn’t expect everyone to be supportive, it was harder than I expected when someone close to me didn’t understand or agree with my decision.

In looking back in those months before I entered, two things gave me great joy and/or peace:

  • In discerning my vocation and in the aftermath of experiencing such a strong joy and peace by which God confirmed my decision to enter, God communicated such tremendous love for me that it was easier to trust that God would be with me every step of my journey. The whole experience of being called and so greatly loved really strengthened me through my fears. (And this joy has continued to be strengthen me throughout my journey as a sister.)
  • My greatest fear and source of suffering before I entered the convent was leaving my family. My vocation director encouraged me to remember two things: a) Leaving home was part of growing up, so eventually I would leave home even if I didn’t enter the convent now; and b) God would take care of my family better than I could, and our love would continue to grow. It helped that I knew that my congregation encourages us to stay in touch with our families, to call and write regularly. Now, with the internet that’s even easier. I truly believe that God blesses my sacrifice of leaving my family to dedicate my life to him by sending special blessings on my loved ones.

In many ways, my vocation to become a sister has shaped my relationships with my loved ones. Especially when I’m sent to carry out our mission in a place far away from my family, my less-frequent visits home become very focused and conversations can go deep—we talk about the important things because we may not have the luxury of another long conversation for a while. So, despite often living far from my family and missing the daily details, I’ve still been able to stay close.

Coincidence or God?

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

If God speaks to us in all these ways, how do we know when it’s God speaking to us, and when it’s just coincidence?

  • For a person of faith, there are no coincidences, only Providence. Providence can be defined as God acting in our world, in our lives. It doesn’t mean that every circumstance of our life is a direct call from God, but the overall circumstances of our lives are an important context in which we are called to listen and to act.When someone is a good writer, there are no coincidences in the stories they write. If it’s included in the story, it serves a purpose for the overall story. Likewise in God’s story for us, there are no coincidences. But sometimes we may need to pray with what an event means before we understand it; sometimes we may not understand God’s purpose until years later; sometimes we may need to simply trust in God’s loving purpose for us.
Cassatt_Mary_Nurse_Reading_to_a_Little_Girl_1895

Nurse Reading to a Little GIrl by Mary Cassatt (Public Domain)

We cannot limit how God speaks to us; rather, we want to use all the resources we have at our disposal to listen. God gave us intelligence, a heart with the potential to be compassionate, the community in which we live and work, mentors or wise people in our lives, our gifts and limitations, and our circumstances, in addition to faith and the gift of prayer… Just as God will use all of these to communicate his love, to draw us to himself, and to invite us to live our mission, God wants  us to use our heads as well as our hearts, the advice of mentors as well as self-knowledge, to listen to him.

  • Many of us share the same circumstances, but the call or invitation from God can be different for each person. For example on a city street, dozens of people pass a homeless person. One person may be called to pray for that person; another to offer a kind greeting or a smile, or to initiate a conversation; another to offer a sandwich or a hot coffee; another person may be called to start volunteering at a soup kitchen; another person may be called to donate more generously; another person may be called to be grateful for the gift of a home. The truth is that probably every person who passes someone who is homeless on the street is called to do something, but it requires discernment to discover what.
  • Just as a writer “listens” to everything in his or her life to inform the story that he or she is writing, so we are called to be attentive to our entire lives to discover God’s presence, action, and invitations, so that the “plot” of our life follows God’s lead.

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To Journal:

At the end of each day this week, take a quiet moment at the end of one day to look back over your day with this question: How did God reveal his presence and his love to you today?

Listening to the Word of God: Lectio Divina guide

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

IMG_0005A wonderful way of listening to the Lord—and perhaps one of the first that we should practice—is praying with the Bible. For the past fifty years, the Church has encouraged all Catholics to re-discover lectio divina, a particular way of praying with the Bible that has its roots in the third century (with Origen specifically encouraging it as the way to read Scripture), and then later in the early monastic communities (especially the Benedictines). Lectio divina continued to be practiced through the ages by monastic communities, but in his Apostolic Exhortation Verbum Domini, Pope Benedict XVI highly encourages all of us to do lectio divina. Why? Because lectio divina is “capable of opening up to the faithful the treasures of God’s word, but also of bringing about an encounter with Christ, the living word of God.” (Scroll down to #87 for Pope Benedict’s description of how to do lectio.)

Traditionally, lectio divina has four steps, but Pope Benedict recommended adding a fifth without which lectio divina wouldn’t be complete. (There are other methods of lectio divina that have developed over time, too, but here we’ll stay with the traditional structure.) The five-step structure isn’t meant to be rigidly followed; rather, it’s meant to help us to engage with the Word of God with our whole being. It’s important when praying to follow where the Holy Spirit leads us; if we are drawn to stay or “rest” on one step during our prayer, that’s what we should do!

Here is a very short guide to making lectio divina, inspired by Pope Benedict’s short description in Verbum Domini and my own experience of prayer.

*To prepare, set aside some quiet time for prayer, and choose a Scripture passage. If you are new to lectio divina, a passage from the Gospels is a good place to start. Choosing the Gospel reading from Sunday or daily Mass can often be helpful.

Step 1. Lectio (Reading). Read the passage slowly and reflectively, listening attentively. What is the biblical text saying? 

Step 2. Meditatio (Meditation). Re-read the passage a second time, asking the question, What does the biblical text say to me in my circumstances? Listen especially for a particular word or phrase that strikes you more than the others—perhaps a word resonates with you; perhaps a sentence raises a question or even some disquiet. Let that word or phrase enter deep into your awareness and then reflect on it: why does this word appeal to me or disturb me? How is the Lord speaking to me?

Step 3. Oratio (Prayer). Speak to God about what is happening inside of you as you spend time with his Word. Prayer is a dialogue with God, and this is where you can respond to God’s Word. Perhaps the Word of God is comforting you—thank God for his comfort and strength. If the Word is challenging you or raising questions in you, ask God for the grace to understand and live his Word.

Step 4. Contemplatio (Contemplation). Contemplation is a time to take on God’s way of seeing. As you rest under God’s loving gaze, ask the Lord how he is inviting you to convert. What needs to change in your mind, will, life?

Step 5. Actio (Action) Take the Word of God with you back into your daily life. You can live the Word of God in your day by choosing to take on an attitude or particular action in the spirit of the invitation God extended to you as you prayed with the Scripture passage. 

The guided lectios provided on this blot are meant to help those who are just beginning with lectio divina. If  you choose to pray with them, I encourage you to go back later and pray with the Scripture passages on your own, using the above simple guide.

Listening to Our “Silent” Co-Author

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 1 Comment

02E choice 2How do we listen to God’s voice when for most of us most of the time, God seems silent? How do we partner with a silent Co-Author?

We may experience God as silent, but God does communicate with us. We may need to learn to listen better, but we also may need to learn to understand how God speaks to us, and recognize when God is speaking. Each of us has a unique relationship with God, but there are also common ways in which God communicates with us.

If we look at the Bible, how does God communicate to his People?

  • Directly to the heart—sometimes in prayer, sometimes through intuition, sometimes in words
  • Through Divine Revelation: through his Word and the teaching of the Church
  • Through silence
  • Through other people (God sends prophets or other people to communicate his love, his warnings, and his invitations)
  • Through the beauty and power of nature (for one example, see Psalm 8)
  • Through the community, most especially through the community of the Church (the Acts of the Apostles is full of examples)
  • Through wise mentors
  • Through the needs of others
  • Through the ordinary circumstances of our lives
  • And sometimes through the extraordinary: visions/appearances/dreams/miracles (Sometimes we may experience a miracle but not recognize it as miraculous.)

God speaks to us today, in our own lives. How am I listening?

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To Journal About

  • How does God communicate with me?
  • When have I heard God “speaking” to me?

“Old Fashioned” Movie: Dating as Discernment!

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

For those discerning their vocation, and those specifically discerning marriage, Old Fashioned, the new film being released this Valentine’s Day weekend, is an interesting choice. The film presents an alternative approach to dating that doesn’t just respect each person as made in the image of God, but is also unambiguous in seeing dating as an essential part of vocational discernment! (Yes, even a first date is an opportunity to discern!)

For my commentary about the film, visit the Pauline blog: The Art of Being “Old Fashioned.”  Enjoy the trailer posted below, and if you feel like a quirky romantic comedy this weekend, support the filmmakers (and hopefully more Christian films) by going to see it in the theater.

 

The Co-Author Relationship: God and I

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / 3 Comments

Sunset at AssosDiscernment doesn’t happen in a vacuum, but in the context of our relationship with God. Discerning God’s will only makes sense if we have or seek a vibrant relationship with God. Whether we are trying to discern a major life choice, or live in greater conformity to God’s will, the best way to grow in that relationship and to become attuned to God’s voice is to spend time in prayer.

The title of this blog pushes this foundational principle a bit further: that we believe that God co-authors our life with us! If we believe that the Holy Spirit is directing our life, that God and I are “writing” our life story together, then it becomes even more important to spend time with God. Any time spent in prayer is important, but a quieter, more contemplative approach to  prayer will help us to learn how to listen to God in the light of God’s saving love. (More about listening in prayer later.)

One of the challenges of the Christian life is a temptation to try to earn God’s love, rather than trusting in God’s love. We don’t want to allow our discernment to be colored by this temptation. A true partnership, being a true “co-author” is a relationship of trust. Doing God’s will is not about proving ourselves, nor about trying to control our life and relationships. Instead, truly seeking to do God’s will is being like Mary, whose “yes” to God came from her ongoing relationship with God. At the Annunciation, Mary recognized God’s Lordship in her life, but she also recognized that her consent and her love were essential in collaborating with God’s salvific plan. She could only say “yes” the way she did precisely because of her relationship with God. Mary trusted God completely: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord.”

When we truly seek to live God’s will, we recognize that this includes growing in our relationship with God. A true attitude of discernment allows God to take the lead, to set the parameters to our story, and to invite us deeper into the great adventure of our life.

Pen_UncappedTo Journal About:

  • How would I describe my relationship with God?

Trust Our Co-Author

/ Sr. Marie Paul Curley / Leave a comment

In the last post, I talked about how important it is to choose our creative partner well. The second key to collaborating creatively? Trusting our creative partner.

Trusting our Co-Author might be a bit harder than choosing God as our Co-Author. This is especially true when things are difficult or seem to go wrong. We might even feel worried that God will use his almighty power and “take over” our lives, and that we will be left without any real choices to make.

It’s true that our all-powerful God has ultimate control of the universe: God gave us the world and ourselves, and put us in a certain time and place. It’s also true that throughout our lives, wonderful and terrible things happen. We cannot control many of the circumstance of our lives, and the illusion that we can is a destructive lie that makes us focus our energies in the wrong direction and lose our serenity. The nature of life is gift: God creates us, provides what we need, and then works through everything—even the evil choices of others—to bring about a greater good for us and for the world.

But God doesn’t control us, and doesn’t want to! The mind-boggling truth is that God leaves us free to respond to our circumstances, including trying to change them. God values our free will tremendously, and never forces us. He might invite us, nudge us, woo us, seek to persuade us…but ultimately, which path we choose to follow, and what we choose to think, say, and do, is up to us.

God asks us to trust him, but he trusts us first, just as he loves us first.

An important motive for trust is remembering God’s premise for the story of our lives:

Our all-good God loves us and always wants what is good and best for us.

According to God’s storyview, the story of our lives will reveal the victory of God’s love over all obstacles. In upcoming posts, we’ll start to look at how God’s love is at work in the story of our lives, and how we can trust in God’s love for us, no matter how the plot of our lives is developing.

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To Journal About:

  • How have I experienced God as trustworthy in my life?